How Does a Woman Become Secure?

by Jim Wilson

A woman was made by God to be loved, protected, provided for and to be made secure. However for some reasons a woman may not feel loved, protected or secure.  Security is often a function of objective truth and subjective feeling.  What I mean by that is that some women have lost their parents, their husbands, their children, their food and their clothing.  Objectively they have a reason to be insecure and subjectively they might not feel insecure.  At the same time it is possible to feel insecure and imagine what is necessary objectively to fill this need.  Here is an example.

Suppose a woman feels insecure.  The feeling is so strong that she is convinced that it is also objective truth.  A woman's great need is to fill up that emptiness.  She thinks that a man will fill it.  That is partly true.  However the need is so great that she gets a man who cannot fill it.  He cannot because he is also empty and is looking for a woman to fill his emptiness.  Two empty, insecure people marry each other to get their own needs met.  It does not happen.  Now the woman is even more insecure.  She thinks that if she has a baby that will meet her need.  Again that is partly true.  Women were made to have babies.  However babies are needy, demanding creatures.  An insecure woman now has greater demands on her than she is able to cope with, especially if there are multiple children.  Now she is insecure and frazzled.  She thinks she needs a nicer home with nicer furniture.  This takes a lot of money.  She has to work as well as her husband.  Now she is tired, insecure and frazzled.  Now it is clothes, music, parties and maybe a different man.  Her husband is not romantic. He copped out early in the marriage because his needs were not being met.

This is a description of several women I am acquainted with right now.  Some of them have been married more than once plus other men.  Some of them are into possessions.  They are finding out, rather late, that a man, children, house, possessions, and parties do not fill up their emptiness and give them the security they are looking for.

This need has to be met, but the selfishness that insists on it being met now ensures that it will not be met even if she gets the man, the children, the house and possessions.  The selfishness has to go first. The selfishness becomes a tight little fist in her soul.  That selfish, tight little fist, wizens and destroys the per son with it.

Before God, the selfishness has to be repented of, that is confessed, forsaken and renounced.  Then she will have a wonderful joy, peace and freedom which God will give to her.  She will then be very secure in Christ.

As far as security is provided in this world, it comes from a closeness to her father, mother, brothers, sisters and extended family.  Next it comes from her brothers and sisters in Christ who are loving and giving.  It comes from her being loving and giving to all kinds of people, even if they do not return the love.  It could come from her husband, but not from a future husband.  I say this because she should not get married in order to get secure.  She should be secure before she gets married.

Then she will not be disillusioned and hurt in her marriage.

How does a woman become secure?

She must confess her attitude, not just her action.

She must decide, with the grace of God to love her father, mother, brothers and sisters.

Her love cannot be conditional.  She should not say, "I will love him if . . ."  No "ifs."

This loving includes kind speech, hugs, giving and helping actions.

She should extend this love to more and more people.

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. (2 Corinthians 5:14,15)
A woman's long term objective should be to be holy, loving, kind, joyful, etc.  She should also want to have a loving family, loving children and grandchildren.  She should want to have a "Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord."

In practice a woman should reach out to her father to give and receive.

The solution given is with the assumption that the woman is already a Christian, that is she has received by faith Jesus Christ, the Son of God, as Lord and Savior.  She has passed from death to life.  This is the beginning of security for everyone, men and women.